She Audaciously Imagines
I once had a dream about the day I was born. I was watching it all unfold through the eyes of a ghost, a wallflower. It was a Thursday, early, and autumn in Cape Town. Outside the hospital window, you could see rain and hail, and when the sun came out, it looked like tiny diamonds sprinkling from the sky. My birthstone.
When I came earthside, I didn’t cry. I was silent, looking around the room, and a nurse had said, “Oh my… she’s been here before.”
This morning, my dad sent me a voice note. He said that usually, my birthday is on the 110th day of the year, but because it’s a leap year, today is the 111th. In numerology, 111 signifies a new journey of self.
I have been a walking paradox my whole life. Two sides of the same coin. I have been reborn in fire the way a phoenix rises. I have been reshaped the way the shore breaks against stone and forms coastlines. Fire and water.
One of my favorite poets, Wislawa Szymborska, wrote about how nothing can ever happen the same way twice, and about the sorry fact that we arrive here improvised and leave without the chance to practice. She spoke about how she dreams, how she audaciously imagines. I remember thinking I couldn’t relate to anything more.
I have had a beautiful life. I have traversed. I have begged on my knees, pleading with God. I have felt my lungs burst with gratitude. I have felt unbearable loss. I have questions with no answers. And I have continued to love the world. This chaotic, brilliant, gorgeous world.
This miracle of a thing happens every day. It’s called the sun. It’s called my blood. I honestly believe we live only to discover beauty, and that all else is a form of waiting. I believe things circle back to us. I believe we are all just walking each other home.
I wish to always audaciously imagine. To be relentless and unforgiving—the way a wildfire spreads, the way wildflowers grow. To always feel as deeply and love so much.
Every year, I lean into myself more. And every year, I realize that if you chase what makes you feel alive, one day, you will wake up living.
Here’s to 29. 🐦🔥
