A 2024 Reflection: Another Rescued Kitten & My Return To The Kingdom Of Thailand

When I returned to Thailand this year, the first place I longed to see was Nai Harn. A slice of coast I first fell in love with years ago. As I sat looking out over the wave break, I could still see past me, swimming laps from end to end.

I have realized now, looking back, that it was divinity that brought me back here. I was sitting with Magda on the shore when Josh strolled by.

Five years later, there we were again. Josh spoke of a friendly black dog that had approached him, and I had popped into his mind because he recalled my kindness to animals. I felt seen and remembered. Life felt so familiar in that moment. A déjà vu.

There’s an energy here that words can’t explain. An intimacy with the elements. A place where, in moments spent alone with your breath, I find the earth breathes with you. The stifling humidity, the howling wind, the rustling palms, the relentless rain. The long, winding mountain roads—I have memorized all their contours like a language I don’t want to forget.

This year has been one of reflection, of surrender. I found myself dizzy with karmic cycles, peeling back layers. The ghost of my 24-year-old self lingered at every corner, and I realized I had to sit with her, sharing all of the life and loss I’ve lived since. I felt the tension melt from my body.

I had once asked the Andaman, “How will I find my way back here?” It was 2020, and I left in a rush, into uncertainty, a pandemic looming.

Then, as I drove through the mountains, my tears wiped away by the warm rushing air, the moon glowing, I laughed. I traced back all the moments that led me here. None of them made sense at the time, but hindsight is 20/20. What I was feeling could only be described by one of my favorite French words: Énouement.

I also can’t exist anywhere without pouring my heart into the animals. The dog Josh had mentioned found me every time I was at the beach. A shadow. His sandy nose nuzzled into my palms. My sweet Bear, my loving Silas. All the countless strays I’ve held in my hands—dogs, cats. I even rescued and helped nurse a neglected bunny back to health. My purpose for care and compassion feels most aligned here.

Thailand—in moments when I need patience and solace, when my mind races, I am reminded of my breath, the feeling of the wind, the warmth on my skin. I leave with you remnants of my heart, and I’ll come to find them another time soon, with more stories to tell...