I Turned To Artists

This painting hangs in the front hall of my parents' current house. I say current because we have lived in thirteen houses, and change is our default setting. In fact, they are already planning to move again by spring.

But this painting—this painting has been constant. It was one that came with us, wrapped in tissue paper and placed in a small container of our belongings, carefully chosen to bring from South Africa. From the Atlantic to the South Pacific, the ship carried it across the world. As it did, we lived on the Isle of Man for a year before arriving in Australia. When the ship arrived with our container, I recognised our familiar things, but they felt like tangible forms of nostalgia. Objects from a past life.

These winter days, I walk through the door and stand, melting into this painting. There’s something about it. When I lived in Paris, I visited every museum, gravitating toward oceanscapes in search of this one—as if it was pleading for me to find it, even though I knew it was halfway across the world. I trace my seemingly frozen fingers over the surface and close my eyes, breathing in. My feet sink into the wet sand, I smell the salty air, it’s so windy the seagulls are suspended over the waves. The sun is behind the clouds, but the light reflecting off the water creates a kaleidoscope of colours behind my closed lids.

I find relief. When I open my eyes, I find myself somewhere different, far away.

I feel a perpetual homesickness for places I am not even sure exist. I carry a collective heaviness for the world. We seem to forget we belong to one another, and there is so little peace because of the attachment to power, to greed. So much senselessness. But what I know for sure, in this moment, is that I adore this painting.

I will always remember that during this strange time, with the country in lockdown, in moments when I have felt overwhelmed, helpless, confused—I turned to artists. To nature. Turned inward. Searched for peace. And my deepest wish is for anyone and everyone in need of the same to find a similar solace, if only for a moment.